When I was a kid, I loved reading. I also loved going to the library in my hometown. The library was a beautiful, old stone building that reminded me of a castle. The children’s section of the library was in the basement, but it was nicely renovated, warm and inviting. Behind the library was a duck pond. My mom used to take me and my three siblings to pick out books and give bits of bread to the ducks. And swans. Finding a swan was a rare and exciting event. What a wonderful childhood!

Library in Beth’s hometown

What does this have to do with the word “reluctant” I mentioned in this post’s title? I have a vivid memory of browsing the shelves of the library as a kid and coming across a book called The Reluctant Dragon. The title was interesting to me. Actually, not just interesting, but fascinating. I knew what a dragon was, but I had no idea what the word “reluctant” meant. 

I remember the feeling of needing to know what the word meant. The feeling was party curiosity. But there was something strangely urgent in the feeling as well. I simply HAD to know what the word “reluctant” meant. And the only way to figure it out was to check out the book and read it. The book itself held the secret definition that I so desperately wanted to know,

I remember checking out the book and really carefully reading it–so carefully that when I re-read it as a Grad Student, I actually remembered the plot point-by-point something like 40 years later.

But I also remember not being sure, after I had finished the book, what reluctant actually meant. The book was not a dictionary, after all. I pondered the book as a whole and tried to figure out what the word meant. It  had to do with the dragon’s personality, obviously. And this dragon was shy. So I thought for many years that reluctant meant shy.

Turns out reluctant actually is closer to unwilling or hesitant. But shy was close enough for me. And it was my conclusion, so that was good enough. After all, no one actually used the word reluctant in my life, so who cared what anyone else thought? It was my reading of the book, my definition of the word, and if I wanted to change my understanding of the word (which I did about 10 years later during my Jane Austin phase) I would allow myself to do that.

This story tells me a lot about my nature and personality. It tells me that as a kid I wanted to figure out things for myself. I mean, I could have asked my mom or a librarian what the word meant. It tells me that I believed that reading held the secret to everything. And not just any book. Of course I could have looked the word up in the dictionary but that option was somehow not in my world view. Dictionaries were for grown-ups, after all they were super big and the letters were so small. But a kids’ book, with a dragon on the cover–that was so obviously for kids! This book would tell me what reluctant meant. I believed that in reading the book, I would pick up the meaning of the word and enjoy a good story while I was at it.

Today, people call this kind of independence a “self-directed learning mindset.” That’s a big jargon-filled word. But it means I’m someone who likes to learn and I like to figure out things for myself. I think I was just born with it. But for those without a natural propensity for it, a learning mindset can be… learned.

In future blog posts I will talk about learning mindsets… and reluctance. I will talk more about turning reluctant readers into eager readers, and helping them grow into learning mindset. Stay tuned to future posts on this blog,